I'm Just Asking...

Would you say 4,000 pounds(2 tons) of landscape rock is a lot of rock?
What if it were all dumped in one big pile 3-4 feet off the ground?
How about if this 2-ton pile of rock that reached 3-4 feet off the ground was situated in the street right on the curb in front of your neighbor's house? Do you think you might notice it?? I'm just asking.

Today a neighbor we don't know rammed into a pile of landscape rock we had delivered at noon. This occurred at about 6 pm. So for six hours other neighbors were able to avoid hitting the 2-ton pile of rocks. Interesting.

Do you think if you hit a pile of rock that size, you would just keep going or would you stop?

Do you think after you decided to go on to your house you'd then walk back up the street and start screaming at the workers hired to shovel the rock, but who were not the individuals who delivered the rock? (also, these workers who don't speak English-would you maybe have yelled at them in their native language, at least?)

Do you think when the homeowner, your neighbor, came out of his house you would then proceed to scream at him too? I'm just asking.

Because this particular neighbor whom we've never met did just that. She screamed at Mike because she rammed into our pile of rock, damaged her Denali, and she had 2 kids in the car. Didn't he care about her kids? Well, I'm sure he would have been concerned if he had known that she had two kids in the car. But like I said she had proceeded home without stopping after the "accident", so he couldn't have known who was in her car, let alone who she was either.

Do you think you'd then inform your NEIGHBOR that you were going home to call the police? I'm just asking.

O.K. so the police officer arrives at her home first, talks to her, and then comes to our home.

Very nice man, the officer explains to us that the so-called "neighbor" admits she was blinded by the sun and couldn't see our pile of rock. Hmmm, do you think you'd maybe have your visor down if the sun were in your eyes? Sunglasses on? Would you slow down if you were "blinded" by the sun? Would you pay even better attention if you were having difficulty seeing??? I'm just asking.

The officer also explains that we should have obtained a permit to have the rock delivered, but doesn't give us a ticket because in his view this is a very petty situation, and not the kind of thing that should go on between neighbors. A good call on his part-wouldn't you say? But be assured, we will never have rock delivered and placed on the curb again, lesson learned!

The officer also informs us that he didn't ticket her either for her careless driving or "menacing behavior" toward us or the workers. In his book, it's "a wash" as he put it. The officer does go on to share his personal viewpoint about individuals who behave as she did. Especially how sad it is when this type of thing happens between "neighbors".

So then we ask the officer if we'll have to pay to repair her car and he says no. He informs us that there is very little damage and that her husband is fixing it himself as we speak; AND that when questioned the husband told the officer he didn't even want to get involved. Now that tells me that the husband already knows who's at fault in this situation.

A few more questions for ya:

Do you think if you hit this 2-TON pile of rock, instead of becoming irate with your neighbor, you might actually get upset with yourself for being such a dumb-ass?

Do you think instead of screaming at your neighbor, you might actually apologize and accept responsibility for your carelessness?

Do you think if you drove a Denali, you might sit high enough off the ground that you'd have a pretty good view of large objects in front of you?

Do you think if you had hit this 2-ton pile of rock instead of being irate with your neighbor, you'd maybe get down on your knees and thank the dear Lord that it wasn't a small child riding a bike??

I'm just asking.

Happy Father's Day!

GO ROCKIES!!! Today we were invited by our friends, the Ditlows, to attend a Colorado Rockies game. What a fun way to celebrate Father's Day! I've lived in CO now for 11 years and this was my first time to a Rockies game! And since Katelyn started T-Ball this summer, I had going to a game on my list of things to do this summer. We had SO MUCH FUN!!! I can definitely say we will be going again and again!! Of course I'm sure it helped that we had a beautiful day and great seats; or how about the fact that they were giving away free ball caps; or the half a hotdog I ate(gotta stick to my WW, but there's nothing like a stadium dog!). But the enthusiasm of the crowd is what really excited me! I loved the music, chanting, yelling, clapping, heckling, all of it. When something great happened, everyone bounded to their feet yelling and jumping up and down, high-fiving people around them.

Today's game was against the Pittsburgh Pirates. I always thought baseball was kind of boring to watch, but it's not when you're in the stadium! I think Katelyn had a great time too. She picked up on some of the chanting and would yell out too. Happy Father's Day, Mike~hope you had a great time! Oh and by the way we beat the Pirates 5-4! WOO-HOO!!!

My Apologies...

to my dear husband. I'm pretty sure Mike feels like I don't pay enough attention to him. That when he comes home from work, I'm not eager to listen with bated breath to everything he has to say about his day. Well, it's true-I'm guilty as charged! BUT I think I have a pretty good excuse: our daughter, whom I've recently nicknamed "THE INQUIZATOR"! You see, my dear spouse, while you're off at work all day doing whatever it is you do, I'm at home answering all of your daughters questions at the same time I'm also trying to clean the house, cook the meals, drive, do the shopping etc. Just so you don't think I'm exaggerating, I thought I'd record a little sampling of some(not all, by any means) of her questions for just one day:

Katelyn: "Mommy, when will you be medium?"
Me: "Do you mean when will I be done with Weight Watchers?"
K: "Yeah."
Me: "I don't know, honey, it takes a long time to lose weight."
K: "Is everyone's mommy on Weight Watcher's?"
Me: "No, but I bet it seems that way, huh?"
K: "Whose mommy isn't on WW?"
Me: "Um, Rebecca & Miriam's mom isn't."
K: "That's because she's not medium, huh, she's just small."
Me: "Right."


Katelyn: "Momma, am I 4 3/4 still?"
Me: "No, you're actually older than that now. You'll be 5 next month."
K: "So what am I now?"
Me: "I don't know, honey, mommy's not that good at math. Ask daddy when he gets home."
K: "Why aren't you that good at math?"
Me: "I'm just not. Everyone has different things they're good at. I'm better at reading & writing than math."
K: "What am I better at?"
Me: "You're good at both reading and math."
K: "Oh. But you said I have to be better at reading or math."
Me: "No I just said some people are better at one or the other."
K: "Oh.(pauses) That doesn't make any sense."


Katelyn: "Where else has mountains?" (nice grammar)
Me: "You mean like what other states have mountains?"
K: "Yeah."
Me: "Well, Wyoming, Montana"... and I list a few more.
K: "Are you sure they have mountains too?"
Me: "Yes, Katelyn, I'm sure. Here let's look at the map on the table."
K: "Hey, mom, I guess you were right afterall!"
Fancy that!!!


Katelyn: "Momma, can I pretend to be a snake?"
Me: "Sure, honey, you can pretend to be anything you want. It's called using your imagination and you don't have to ask me first, you can just pretend to be anything you want.
K: "Oh, O.K."
~10 minutes later~
K: "Hey, mom, can I pretend to be a turtle?"
Me: "Yes Katelyn."


Katelyn: "Mommy, when will I get a new pair of sandals?"
Me: "When those are all worn out."
K: "What's all worn out?"
Me: "You know, when they don't look nice anymore, or they get torn or something."
K: "Oh. But WHEN will they be all worn out?"
Me: "I don't know, Katelyn, it will happen when it happens."


Katelyn: "Mommy, when will I be big like you?"
Me: "Do you mean grown up?"
K: "Yeah."
Me: "When you finish your education and have a good job."
K: "But where will I live?"
Me: "Well, maybe in an apt. or a house. We'll cross that bridge when we get there."
K: (starting to get upset) "But, mommy, I'll miss you when I'm big."
Me: "Honey, you don't have to worry about that now. You have many years to go before you'll be all grown up. Besides, when you are grown up, you'll want to live in your own place."
K: "You mean not with you and daddy? Never!"
Me: "O.K., well like I said we'll cross that bridge when we get there."


Katelyn: "Mommy, what's a bigger number than 11?"
Me: "12."
K: "Well, what's a bigger number than 12?"
Me: "I see where this is going and I don't feel like playing right now. Besides you already know the answers anyway."


Like I said just a sampling. This goes on pretty much the whole day. But there's more. Like every time we leave the house to drive somewhere, she asks me if I know the way. Doesn't matter that we go to the library or swim lessons every week, she still has to ask me if I'm sure we're going the right way. Or the countless number of times during the day when I have to repeat myself to get her attention because she's in a zone and has blocked me out. I can be a foot away from her, and she acts like she can't hear me at all. Or how about all the questions she asks me during the day that she already know the answers to-I guess she's just testing me in case something might have changed?? Or how about her constant LOUD off-key humming??? Oh well, so I won't be anyone's nomination for mother of the year!!!

It's exhausting. That's all I can say. So when you come home from work and want me to listen to stuff about work, I'm sorry but my brain is fried! I don't care what happened at Forward Air, and no I don't want to guess who called you today or how much a new battery will cost. I don't want to hear about Anthony(an employee) or his fiancee or their wedding. I'm not interested in discussing the price of gasoline, the President or any other political stuff, the weather, or your take on the recession. I'm sorry, I just don't have any patience left to talk anymore about anything. I just want to make dinner and be quiet for a little while.

Admittedly, I haven't read our book club's book about "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman yet. But I've been thinking a lot about it. If there's a love language for men that goes something like this, I think I have Mike pegged: "I just want her to hang on my every word with excitement and anticipation. I want her to laugh at my witty banter like it's the funniest stuff she's heard all day. I want her to be waiting eagerly at home for my arrival, so I can tell her every detail about my day, and have her hanging on every word." All I can say is if I'm right, then we're screwed!!!

By the way, I love you both with all my heart!

A trip to the Zoo

Denver has a wonderful zoo and we've been zoo members since Katelyn was a baby. A zoo membership is the gift that keeps on giving all year long, so thanks Mike!!Katelyn and I go to the zoo at least once a month, sometimes more. We have nice days in Denver all year round, including in the winter months. On nice days when there's nothing on the agenda, I love to say to Katelyn, "Hey, how 'bout a trip to the zoo?" She's ALWAYS excited. Afterall, no 2 trips to the zoo are ever the same! My favorite time to arrive is at lunchtime so we can pick up lunch, or pack a lunch, and eat when we arrive. I also like noontime because a lot of the early risers are leaving then, and I get a great parking space every time! Today we met my stepdaughter, Shelbey, and her 1-year-old son, Sean, at the zoo for an afternoon of fun!

Shelbey and Sean were living with us for a while about 3 months or so ago. I've missed having the baby around all the time! He's such a cutie! But it's good that Shelbey is back on her feet too. Shelbey will turn 23 on July 30(one day after Katelyn turns 5(WHEW!-that was close!!)Katelyn knows that Shelbey is her big sister, but there is such a big age difference that she really thinks of Shelbey more like an "aunt". Katelyn also doesn't understand that she is technically Sean's aunt, but refers to herself as his big sister! I think that's pretty cool!

We had a beautiful day to tour the zoo today. Not too warm (about 78) and a light breeze all day. Plus there's a lot of shade at the Denver Zoo, so that makes it nice too. I thought I'd post a few of the pictures from today so you can see my beautiful stepdaughter and her adorable son. Of course I had to post a few of my baby too! Oh, and by-the-way, you can call me Nana Shelly, not grandma! But feel free to call Mike Grandpa Mike anytime!!;)

Goin to Concordia, Missouri, Concordia Here I Come...

Sometimes fate steps in and circumstances just work out really well!! As was the case when my BFF Anna and I discovered we would be in Kansas City at the same time. Anna grew up in the small town of Concordia, Missouri, about 1 hour 15 minutes east of K.C.. Anna and I have been best friends for about 10 years now, we met through our PEO chapter after I moved to Denver. Anna's been in Denver probably close to 35 years(maybe more?), but still considers Concordia "home"-almost all of her family still lives there. Anna earned her Master's in nursing this past spring from Regis University(Congratulations!), and was going to Kansas City to take a class at UMKC(my alma mater). She was recently hired by Front Range College to teach nursing-Congratulations again!! Anna would to stay with her family and commute back and forth for her class.

Anyway, since we were going to be in K.C. at the same time, Anna and her family invited us to come to Concordia and visit their family farm. YEA!! It would be so exciting to take Katelyn to a real working farm. I also wanted her to meet Anna's family, the lovliest people on God's green earth I'm certain. And while I'm on the subject of lovely people, let me tell you about my friend Anna. She has the purest heart of anyone I know. She doesn't have a cruel bone in her entire body. She doesn't have any hidden agendas~"what you see, is what you get". Anna personifies unconditional love in her every action. She loves Katelyn like she were her own child. Anna is a true soldier for the Lord and doesn't just "talk the talk, but walks the walk!" Here are just 2 examples of how she's done the Lord's true work: she has gone to Ethiopia on a nursing mission to educate and heal the sick and dying there, including educating women and children about AIDS. AND she ministers at a women's prison here in Denver at least twice a month. Why do I consider those acts of "true" work for the Lord? Because she embraces the people that others have forgotten or written off. I believe that is what the Lord expects from all of us. HE expects us to love ALL of HIS people unconditionally. Anna gets that, and I'm blessed enough to learn by her example. Anna is funny, tough, honest, fiercely loyal, courageous, and not afraid to drop the f-bomb if it's called for(you know I dig that about you!). Best of all, Anna calls me her best friend too; and I'm truly humbled and certain that I don't deserve it. I love you, Anna.

So on Saturday, the 6th of June, Mike, Katelyn and I set out for Concordia, MO. Anna met us at the Hardees in Concordia, hopped in our car, and guided us on a quicky tour of her town. What a sweet town, just like I picture small town America. Then we headed for Anna's parent's farm. Amazing! I love the country! It's so quiet and peaceful. Anna's parents and brother, Rick, & his girlfriend, Sandy, were there to greet us. Later her sister, Mina, and niece, Carista & her 5-month old baby Maddie joined us for a wonderful lunch that Anna's mother prepared-YUM! Anna's parents, Nadine & Armin, are 85 and 87 and still going strong! To me, they represent what America is all about: honest, loyal, hard-working, GOD-loving people.

Katelyn loved being outside on the farm. She was able to pick peas from the garden and eat 'em right then. She got to pet the horses and look for fish swimming in the pond. Next we headed to Mina's place, Anna's sister. Mina and Anna should have been twins. Not only do they look alike, but they have the same personalities-Mina has a huge heart and the best smile!! Anyway, Katelyn had been asking all day to see farm dogs(of course, right!), and Mina & her husband, Don, didn't disappoint. They have 2 German Shephards and Katelyn was in love at first sight! They also have an amazing pond out back stocked with some of the biggest fish I've ever seen, and Katelyn got to feed them!!

After an hour or so at Mina & Don's it was time to head for the road. We still had to drive to Hays where we planned to spend the night. Thank you, Anna, and your family, for a wonderful afternoon!!

We made it to Hays, KS by 10 pm and were asleep the second our heads hit the pillows!! The next day, Sunday June 7th, we got up, ate breakfast at Country Kitchen, and headed for home. It was a pretty uneventful drive until we made it to Limon, CO and my cell phone rang with a call from the city to let us know our town was under a tornado warning. Great! We hoped we had a home to go home to! All was fine, and it was truly great to be home!!

~The End~

PS. SO ironic that the fountain pictured above at Anna's family farm is the same fountain we have in our front yard!! What a small world!!

**********************************************************

Home for a week now, it's been a very busy week! The weather has been crazy~ thunderstorms every day and a few more tornado warnings. Katelyn started swim lessons and was supposed to start T-Ball, but it was canceled due to the weather. I've been busy trying to get caught up on my housework, laundry, cooking, bill-paying, and grocery shopping. And of course there's flowers to plant too!(Guess my Fairy Godmother was on vacation too! HA!)

Goin to Kansas City, Kansas City Here I Come...continued

Day 6 of our visit to K.C. was Thursday June 4th, and my dad's only day off during the week. Dad made us a wonderful breakfast and Katie and grandpa spent some quality time together while I got ready for the day. Then Katelyn and I headed to Jen & Anton's so my dad could run his errands, do his yardwork, and take a much-needed nap!!

Ever since eating at The Rainforest Cafe in Florida, Katelyn has been asking to visit the T-Rex Cafe during our visit to K.C.. Both restaurants are owned by the same company which was explained to us during our lunch at The Rainforest Cafe. Katelyn saw in a brochure we received that they have a Build-A-Dinosaur(same concept as Build-A-Bear)at T-Rex Cafe, and she was not going to forget that anytime soon!!! So that afternoon Jen, Anton, Katie, and I headed to a new (to me) development in Kansas City, KS called The Legends which has great outdoor shopping, a Cabela's, hotels, and just happens to be home to The T-REX Cafe!! I'm telling you it's really cool!! There are lifelike dinosuars that move and make sounds. The food was good too! And of course the Build-a-Dinosaur! Katelyn made an Apatosaurus and Anton made a Pteradactyl. I bought each of them a baby dinosaur to go with their adult ones. Jen surprised Katelyn & I with matching t-shirts as souveniers(BTW-we wore those home on Sunday!!) After our time at the T-Rex cafe, we did some shopping(they have a Gymboree outlet, and you know I can't pass that up!!!!). As a special treat we were able to attend Anton's Tae Kwon Do class later that afternoon, and the instructor let Katelyn participate too. I was very impressed with Anton's skills, concentration, and commitment! Katelyn did great too; she did her best to keep up with the older boys! Katelyn and I were also invited to dinner at Jen's and to spend the night. The spaghetti supper was delicious and the accomodations perfect. Jen, Eric, and Anton-thanks for having us!!

Day 7 was Friday June 5th and our last day in Kansas City. Afer a tearful conversation with Katelyn on Wednesday night("I miss you daddy...I want you to come to Kansas City...")Mike had purchased a 1-way ticket and was flying in to drive back to Denver with us. What a great dad! Right!! He told me after talking to Katelyn on the phone, "Even if I have to charter a boat, I'll be there!" These are the moments when I really love my husband.

So we still had the whole day before Mike was due to arrive, and we'd need to pick him up from the airport. I had called my friend Kathy to let her know we were in town so we planned to have lunch with her that day at Houlihan's. Kath and I have been friends since 1994, my first year of teaching. We share a lot of history, good times, hard times, lots of memories! I'm so glad we've stayed in touch all these years! Kath-I only wish I would have taken a picture of you and Katelyn for my blog! Next time for sure!!!

After lunch with Kathy, Katelyn and I met Jen and Anton at The Deanna Rose Children's Farmstead in Overland Park, KS(another wonderful FREE activity for kids, although we happily gave a donation!)Deanna Rose was designed to depict a turn of the century farm. There is so much to do and they are continuously adding to the activities. Here are some of the things we did: visited a 5,000 sq. ft. dairy barn and saw a real live cow being milked(pretty cool for city kids); visted a Native American earthen lodge made from 600 logs and filled with artifacts & furs, surrounded by 3 tepees that the kids could go in; visited Helen's country schoolhouse, a re-creation of a 1900's one-room schoolhouse; petted goats, calves, and ponies; played on the Prairie playground; and went for a walk on the nature trail. There were many other things we didn't have time to do, but when we return to K.C. in a couple of years we definitely want to: fish in Grandpa Bob's fishing pond, bottle feed a goat, go on a pony ride, and possible take a horse-drawn wagon ride!!!

Unintentionally at first, Jen and I have been alternating years visiting back and forth. I was in K.C. 2 years ago, they came to Denver last summer, Katelyn and I went to K.C. this summer, and next summer they plan to come to Denver. Jen & I made a pact to keep this going for as long as the kid's schedules allow it! Pretty cool, huh!!

After a tearful good-bye to Jen and Anton, Katie and I headed to the airport to pick up Mike. And that night, after grandpa Tom got off work, we all went out for barbecue-Zarda's BBQ, Mike's favorite! Then it was time for another tearful good-bye to my dad and we headed for our hotel. Thanks for letting us stay with you dad-I love you!!!

to be continued....

Goin to Kansas City, Kansas City Here I Come...

I love sleeping in. Doesn't really matter what time I get up, as long as it wasn't because an alarm went off telling me I HAVE to get up! I also love being the first one up in my house. I get a few minutes of alone time before the new day gets going. This is also my favorite time to blog, have that first cup of joe, sit back, relax, listen to the birds singing. So this morning I was up at 7:30(I know most of you have clocked half a day already, but that's early for me in the summer!)Katie's still sleeping & Mike's awake but laying there contemplating actually getting up. Time to blog!

Recently Katelyn and I shared a wonderful trip to Kansas City, my home town(specifically Lenexa, KS, a suburb). Even though I've been in Denver 11 years, K.C. is still home, my roots, a lot of history, where I come from. My dad lives in the same house I grew up in from 4th grade on-over 30 years now. Not much has changed either: a new deck, a new roof, some new pillars, but everything else is about the same. My dad, who turned 65 this year, is doing great. Still working hard. Even though my dad could retire, I don't think he wants to. He likes having a place to go and people to visit with-work is his social outlet. I love spending time with my dad, I'll always be his little girl.

Katelyn and I began our journey on the 30th of May. I decided to make the drive in 2 days instead of one because I knew Katelyn would appreciate me a lot more!! We stayed in Hays, KS on the 30th. Ah, Hays, you have such memories for me! My first visit to Hays was for band camp the summer before 7th grade(I think). I played the clarinet. I went to band camp at Fort Hays State University with my friend Stephanie(we had the same last name, but weren't related). We still send a Christmas card every year! Hays was also the meeting place Mike and I chose during our whirlwind courtship when flying back and forth became too expensive. Hays is about 6 hours due East of Denver.

We arrived at dad's on Sunday the 31st, so glad to see him!! Our last visit was at Thanksgiving when he came out to Denver. Of course we arrived hungry and our tradition is to go out for BBQ-Hayward's BBQ to be exact. YUM! You may not know it, but Kansas City has awesome barbecue, some of the best in the country!! And my home town of Lenexa, KS has an annual Barbecue contest every year.

As much as we enjoy seeing grandpa Tom, I have to tell you that being with my best friend, Jennifer, and her son(my Godson), Anton, is the icing on the cake. Jen and I have been BFF for 18+ years and I cherish her more and more with every passing year. We have the best time together, the four of us. Katelyn and Anton are really more like cousins. Jen is the closest to having a sister that I'll ever come. Anton calls me Aunt Shelly and Katelyn calls her Aunt Jennifer. They are our family.

Kansas City has great things to do with kids, many at little or no cost. So on our first day together(day 3 of our trip), Monday June 1st, we went to Kaleidoscope at Crown Center. Kaleidoscope is an arts and crafts extravaganza put on by Hallmark(a Kansas City-based company, did you know that?) And it's FREE! The kids get about 45 minutes to make all kinds of crafts from painting, to making a puzzle, to working with melted-down crayons. It's a lot of fun! We also ate at the Crayola Cafe and visited Legoland(also free). The kids had a great time!

On day 4 of our vacation, June 2nd, we did what every red-blooded American kid dreams of doing!! That's right, we went to Chuck E. Cheese. It was raining cats and dogs that day, so we needed an indoor activity. (I have to say aside from this one rainy day, the weather in K.C. was perfect the week we were there. The last time we went home was 2 years ago in August and I really thought I was going to melt, it was SO hot!! And the humdity, oh there's no way to describe it unless you've been there when it's 105 degrees with 100% humidity and the heat index is 110. It's unbareable!) But anyway, we had a great time at Chuck E. Cheese. As a consumer, I have to say what a rip! You spend $30(or more) on tokens so your kids can play a hundred games, to win a few hundred tickets, so they can turn those in for some little plastic toys or candy that probably cost C.E.C. less than a penny each. Oh well, the kids had a great time and that's all that matters. Plus they had a new game that's like "Deal or No Deal", and if I'm honest I'll tell you I spent a few bucks in tokens on that one myself!!

On day 5 of our trip, June 3rd, we ventured to the Kansas City Zoo. Again I have to tell you what a cheap adventure this was: with both of us having zoo memberships to other zoos, online discounts, and packing a lunch, the cost was $10.50 for the four of us to get in. Not bad, huh!! The Zoo has changed a lot over the years. It's divided into 3 areas: Africa, the Kid's Zone, and Australia. We spent our time in Africa & the Kid's zone. With the dense amount of trees surrounding the zoo, you truly feel like you're on a different continent. I really thought the animals had authentic and spacious living quarters. We saw hippos, cheetahs, gorillas, giraffe, zebra, and of course the wild dogs. Katelyn had asked all morning to see the wild dogs. Would someone PLEASE get that child a dog already!!!! After a long day at the zoo, we went out to dinner at Applebees. YUM!

To be continued....

Class of 2022

Tonight we attended Katelyn's graduation from The Children's House Montessori Preschool where she has attended the past 2 years. I really just can't believe she's finished her preschool education and will start Kindergarten in the Fall. Where have the past 5 years gone?

When we arrived at the church where the graduation was being held, the power had just gone out. (A storm had just gone thru the community and must have knocked out the power.)Katelyn's teacher, Mrs. Susan Halkin, was a little beside herself to say the least. The auditorium and stage area were very dark. Except for the borrowed lit candles that were lining the front of the stage, you really couldn't see much of anything. I thought to myself how will we even see our little graduates, let alone get a picture? Plus without electricty, the mike didn't work and we couldn't hear Susan speaking. I quietly said a little prayer that if GOD was available, could he possibly help us out? Within 10 minutes the power was back on. Now you be the judge: coincidence or divine intervention. I know what I think.

The graduation ceremony was so sweet. After a few introductory remarks, the children filed in across the stage and took their seats. Next everyone was asked to stand for the Pledge of Allegiance, which all of the children recited exceedingly well. Then the children sang a song and did a finger play that they had been practicing for weeks. I was so touched, and yes my eyes blurred a little. Then Miss Susan called each child to the mike and the children said what they were going to be when they grew up. Katelyn of course said she would be a pet doctor. She absolutely loves animals. I for one think she will stay true to her conviction. When I was a kid I never waivered from wanting to be a mom and a teacher. There were some other neat professions chosen too: 6 swimming teachers, 2 rock stars, an artist, a farmer(everyone cheered really loudly), 2 police officers, a school nurse, a lawyer, a kid dentist, 2 fire fighters, a dinosuar digger, a race car driver, a ballerina, and more...I was very impressed that each child very bravely stood when their name was called, walked to the mike, and spoke clearly. We're talking 4 and 5 year olds, and not one case of stage fright! Then Susan called each child once more to come up and receive their diploma and shake her hand.

After the ceremony, the school had cake and lemonade for everyone and some other goodies were provided by parents. Wow! What a celebration for our children! What a wonderful way to recognize their preschool years.

We have decided to keep Katelyn at this Montessori school for her Kindergarten year. One of the pictures I posted is of Katelyn and her good buddy Sydney. They have been
such great friends these past 2 years, and Syd will be in Kindergarten with Katelyn next year too. The first picture is of Susan and Katelyn. We will forever be grateful to the exemplary education Susan has provided for Katelyn these past 2 years. Susan has been the director/teacher of Katelyn's school for 30 years. She is absolutely amazing with these little people. During the graduation, Susan called up one young man to receive his diploma and then told us that he was actually the son of a former student she had over 25 years ago. There's no better testament to her as a teacher than that!!

Congratulations Katelyn! Mommy and daddy are SO proud of all you've accomplished these past 2 years!

My Kid's Quips

Katelyn: "Hey mom, did you know my nose never stops making booggers?"

Dad: ~laughing riotously~

Mom(also laughing): "Wow, Kate, thanks for sharing that with me, good to know!"

Katelyn: "Are you gonna put that on your blog?"

Already a little diva!!!

My Journey Through Infertility

I've been meaning to write a post about my journey through infertility for some time. I never do a "rough draft" per se when I blog, but I had to this time to get the order of events down correctly. Afterall, this journey began 10 years ago & my memory isn't the best. (Mike filled in the gaps for me because although he has 17 years on me, his memory is far superior.)This was a very cathartic post for me to write. Thanks for reading it.

After 1 year of marriage (at age 29), Mike & I decided it was time to have a baby. Like most couples, we proceeded the "old-fashioned" way. Nothing happened. Well, I mean to say we didn't get pregnant. "Trying" went on for a couple of years; I peed on a lot of ovulation predictor sticks and took home pregnancy tests during that time. We were very frustrated. Sex had become about making a baby, not about intimacy or enjoyment. Finally we realized there was a problem & thought the issue might be with Mike because he'd had so many surgeries, and his age(46-47 at the time), and years of smoking etc. So after consulting with our family doctor, we were referred to a uroligist specializing in male issues who in turn referred us to Advanced Reproductive Specialists at the University of CO Hospital-Anshutz Pavilion.

We met with our new doctor, Dr. Deborah Smith, & our nurse, Lucinda White, in the spring of 2002. We had our initial consultation and then went through tests-lots of tests. My bloodwork came back fine. What were they looking for? A good FSH(follicle-stimulating hormone)level. This told them that my eggs were still healthy. Here's a little biology refresher in case you don't already know: girl babies are born with all the eggs they will ever have. (Unlike men who are always making new "swimmers".) When we start our menses, one of those eggs is released each month and so forth. So as women get older their eggs get older; this is why we have terms like "advanced maternal age". It's why there are more risks for birth defects as a woman ages etc. A lot of women have no problem getting pregnant well into their upper 30's and 40's; it's not the norm though. O.K. at this point I was 31 or 32 & my eggs were still healthy. I also had ultrasounds and sonograms to make sure my uterus & ovaries were healthy. I was told, "You have a beautiful uterus!" I put that on my Christmas cards that year-nah, not really!

At the same time, Mike was also asked to submit a "sample". We're all big kids so you know what that means. What you don't know is how humiliating that was for my extremely private husband. He did his duty, though, and as suspected there were issues with his swimmers. Here's another little biology 101 for ya: they look for 3 things when they examine sperm: quantity, quality, and speediness. Well Mike had enough swimmers, but they were slow and most of them didn't look too good. A double whammy!!

Dr. Smith recommended that we try insemination with Clomid and ovulation monitoring. Clomid is a nasty little pill that I took to insure ovulation would occur in a controlled manner. I had a horrible experience on Clomid. My daily side effects from the drug were: PMS symptoms x 100(even my nurse described it that way), severe headaches, hot flashes, & nausea. Good times. Then I'd use a home ovulation indicator test to insure that I was ovulating, we'd go to the doctor's office & I would be inseminated. This went on for 3 cycles/3 months. I didn't get pregnant, but the emotional up & down infertility roller coaster was in full swing. Meaning every month I would get my hopes up thinking surely this will work, only to be let down when it didn't. It was that way when we were "trying" on our own too; but this was different because doctors and tests and pills were involved. We thought for sure it would work.

Dr. Smith was adament that our only real chance to get pregnant was to go through IVF, in-vitro fertilization. We were educated on the whole process and agreed to try. We were desperate by this time. There is so much involved with IVF, I'm not sure I can accurately describe the whole process. First up you have to pay. Really, they expect the money up front and will refund later if things don't go well. Mike's calculation for our first IVF, including more tests and drugs, is higher than mine so I'll split the difference and call it $16,000. Next, we met with our nurse so Mike could learn how to give me shots. I would have shots in my belly(2-3/day) and shots in my hips(1x/day). He practiced on an orange. Seriously. I admired his confidence and willingness to give me the shots. I found a whole new respect for nurses. Then we ordered our medication from a pharmacy in Mass.-interestingly enough, you can't just go to your local Walgreens and procure the necessary drugs: Lupron, Follistim, and Progestern in Oil. (the meds alone were $3000)

I'm going to skip through the whole shot-giving time period and explain what the shots were for. Lupron was used to suppress my own body's ovulation schedule so the doctors could control it; Follistim was used to stimulate my ovaries to produce as many eggs as possible; and PIO was used to prepare my uterus & support pregnancy should it occur. During this time I was constantly monitored via vaginal ultrasounds(more good times) to watch my ovaries, and to count the number & size of the eggs that were developing. When it was determined that I had enough eggs of the right size, I was scheduled for egg retrieval; a surgical procedure where my doctor literally retrieved the eggs from my ovaries by inserting a suction-like needle thru my vagina & into my ovaries. It's more technical than that, but you get the general idea. I woke up in a lot of pain, but the whole procedure itself was very short. The eggs were then given to our Embryoligist, Dr. Dawn Kelk. Normally with IVF the eggs are then placed in petri dishes where the sperm are added and then the doctor watches for fertilization to occur. In our case, it was recommended that we go through a special procedure called ICSI(intracytoplasmic sperm injection)-the doctor actually injected a single sperm(a good looking one) into each egg instead of waiting for them to fertilize on their own. At retrieval we had over 20 eggs. Using ICSI, 11 eggs fertilized. We were set for a day-3 transfer, meaning the embryoligist would watch the embryos change and divide and on the 3rd day the best ones would be transferred back directly into my uterus. It was recommended to us that we transfer 4embryos. Sounded like a lot to us too. I immediately had visions of triplets and quads. Truthfully, the doctors are very careful when deciding how many embryos to transfer. They take so many factors into consideration and of course the goal is pregnancy. But any pregnancy more than twins is actually considered an "oops" on their part, not a success, due the increased risks to the mother and the babies. So we had to trust them, that was the bottom line. (BTW-the remaining 4 embryos that survived were frozen for a future cycle).

On day 3, four A-quality embryos were selected for transfer(yes, they actually grade them). The transfer is done in a very sterile hospital operating-type room. Mike was fully dressed head-to-toe in scrubs. The embryos are "loaded" into a catheter which our doctor inserted thru my vagina to the uterus. While watching on a computer monitor, Dr. Smith was able to determine when she'd located the exact right place in my uterus and then she released the embryos. We were able to watch the whole procedure too and saw the embryos released as well-it was absolutely amazing. We were also given a picture of our embryos. Then I was told to go home and rest for the remainder of that day, adhere to certain restrictions, and return in 2 weeks for a blood-drawn pregnancy test.

All I can say is I were convinced it would work. A no-brainer. Seriously, my biggest worry was that I'd end up with quads. Secretly, I was hoping for twins. It never occurred to me that it wouldn't work, even though the doctor's were very candid with the so-called statistical success rates (for us a 25-30% chance); I knew I'd be pregnant.

The night before my scheduled pregnancy test, I started having menstrual-like cramps. I knew then that I wasn't pregnant. I just knew. I couldn't stop crying-I was so devastated, there is no other way to describe it. I didn't even want to take the damn pregnancy test at the dr.'s office. But I went in anyway, crying, and let the nurse draw my empty blood. I went home and waited for the phone call I knew was coming. It did. More devastation. I felt like a complete failure. Women had been having babies for thousands of years, why couldn't I? What more could I do? In 2 weeks, we went in for a "why didn't it work" consultation with Dr. Smith. It was one of the hardest days of my life. I couldn't stop crying and I felt so bad because she was so affected by me that she was crying too. She strongly encouraged us to go through another IVF cycle, this time with the frozen embryos that we had saved. She was so reassuring, talking about how high their success rates were with frozen embryos.

We decided to try, of course. What else could we do? I didn't want to give up, I wanted a baby more than I'd ever wanted anything in my life. My whole life I had wanted to be a mommy; I secretly played with dolls until I was 13. Motherhood felt like my destiny, my true calling; if I couldn't be a mother I felt like a completely useless human being.

A frozen IVF cycle isn't nearly as invasive or expensive(about $3500)as a regular IVF cycle because the embryos are already made. I had to wear estrogen patches on my belly to help thicken up my uterine lining and do the PIO shots again. The transfer procedure is the same, and everything went fine; all 4 embryos survived the thawing process and were transferred. Another LONG 2-week wait. I was told not to take a home pregnancy test because it would be too early & I could get a false negative result. I did anyway. I wanted to be like everyone else who didn't have to go thru what I did to get pregnant. Who just casually thought, "hey I'm a little late this month, maybe I'm pregnant". I wanted to pee on a stick and this time see a pink line. And this time I did-it was a faint pink line, but it was there!! I was absolutely overjoyed-I couldn't believe my eyes! After all those years of "trying", I finally had a pink line too!

I went in for the blood draw, and that afternoon Lucinda called me with the results. Yes, I was pregnant, but it didn't look good. My HCG #(pregnancy hormone level) was really low. She said they'd retest in 2 days and if the HCG # went up, then things might be o.k., but if the # went down, then I'd miscarry-commonly called a "chemical pregnancy". I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I went in 2 days later, and sure enough my HCG level had dropped. I would miscarry. Mike was home when I got that phone call & he just started sobbing(the first and only time in our marriage). To see my big strong tough husband weep was almost my undoing. To make matters worse, the day we found out I'd miscarry was actually our anniversary(our 4th, I think). Mike had brought me flowers to celebrate our anniversary and the pregnancy. Even now as I write this, what 6-7 years later, I have tears in my eyes. Some pain is so raw that you don't ever fully get over it.

The miscarriage, although early at 5 weeks, was absolutely devastating to me. I kept thinking a baby had started to grow in my womb, but then it stopped. Why? I bled so much that I actually soaked through the pads and my clothing. I remember thinking to myself, how much more can I stand? I was so furious and hurt and disappointed. I was angry with GOD and that's a very lonely place to be.

We decided to take a break. I think Mike was very worried that I couldn't take much more. Let me be clear, I have never been a weak person. I have been thru some very hard stuff in my life, things that might break other people; but nothing had ever been as hard as surviving the disapointments of trying to have a child. I wasn't used to failure. I wasn't used to having so little control. I was so sad, and so consumed with getting pregnant. Deep inside, I knew I needed a break from the disappointment too. And Mike, he was a part of this too, he needed a break as well. And to be honest, another IVF cycle would mean another $16,000 grand or so and we'd need some time to save more money. There are no payment plans with IVF, you pay cash or you charge it. Mike is not a charger. I remember one time I was sitting in the waiting area and a lady was paying for her IVF cycle. She gave the receptionist 4 different credit cards to split the cost up. I remember thinking, GOD bless her. I too would have done anything to get the money for IVF, including selling our house & living in an apartment.

So we were taking a break. Being the control-freak I am, I decided to do something I could control. I joined Weight Watchers and Curves. I dieted and worked out faithfully for 6 months and lost 30+ pounds. I also worked on my relationship with GOD which had suffered through my failed attempts to get pregnant too. I learned how to pray again. You see, GOD isn't much of a bargainer. No matter how faith-full you are, HE doesn't show preferential treatment-he loves all of us completely equally. I learned to stop asking HIM for what I wanted; and learned to pray for grace, so I could accept what I got. I learned a lot about myself. I learned humility.

In September of 2003, we were ready to go through our 3rd IVF cycle(I was 33 & Mike was 50). Because almost a year had passed, I had to have all my bloodwork redone. Unfortunately this time my FSH level came back high. I was declared to be of "advanced maternal age". I couldn't believe it-how could it have changed so much in a year? I asked them to re-do the test. They did & I was still "old". My eggs were probably hard and brittle. I was told it meant that it would be just that much harder for me to get pregnant, as if it wasn't hard enough before. I seriously felt like I was walking around with a bulls-eye target taped to my back. Why me? I had lost 30 lbs.-didn't that count for something? Apparently not. Losing the weight would not help me get pregnant, it would only make a pregnancy easier IF I could get pregnant. However, since I was 33, my doctor still felt we should proceed with the IVF, only this time they would plan to transfer 6 embryos. And they we're going to add another procedure called "Assisted Hatching" to my protocol. The embryoligist was actually going to make a tiny incision into the outer layer of the eggs that were retrieved to further aid fertilization. So, we proceeded with the IVF protocol like before: the shots, the ultrasound monitoring, etc. The only difference this time was I hyperstimulated on the fertility drugs. I was absolutely miserable. My ovaries were so swollen with eggs that you could actually feel my ovaries by touching my belly. I was in excrutiating pain because all the fluid I was taking in was pooling and collecting on top of my uterus, and nothing was being eliminated actually causing dehydration. I was also so constipated that my bowels became impacted(a rectal exam confirmed that-let the good times roll). I was hospitalized to treat the dehydration and in order to resolve the impacted bowel issue, I had to give myself an anal suppository at home-I will spare you the details of that horrible ordeal). The only way to resolve the hyperstimulated ovary issue was to go thru the egg retrieval. I woke up from the procedure bawling. I can't remember another time I've felt pain like that(contractions w/pitocin was close). We had 28 eggs. 13 of them fertilized using ICSI & Assisted Hatching. Again, the embryoligist would watch them for 3 days and the plan was still to transfer 6 embryos. On the morning of the transfer, the embryos looked so good that the embryoligist called me at home and said she wasn't comfortable transferring 6. We'd do 4 again. Fine. We went thru the IVF transfer, got another great snapshot of our 4 little embies, as we called them, and went home for another 2 week wait.

I was absolutely positive that I wouldn't be pregnant. I had been through so much with this IVF cycle, so much pain, I just knew it wouldn't work. I didn't even take a home pregnancy test this time. What was the point? And I couldn't bare seeing another blank pee stick. A few days before my 34th birthday, the phone call came in from Lucinda. I wouldn't even answer the phone. When Mike picked up, I could hear Lucinda yelling into the phone, "Shelly's pregnant! It worked!" Mike just started crying. I asked for the phone and wanted to go over the numbers. I had to make sure I had high enough numbers because the thought of miscarrying again terrified me. Everything looked really good. I went in 2 days later for another blood draw and my numbers had more than doubled. I was really pregnant. I went in for one more blood draw and the numbers were exactly where they should be. At 6 weeks, we went in for an ultrasound and we saw a teeny tiny little heartbeat, a fluttering, a flicker really. I was going to be a mommy. Finally.

On July 29, 2004 I gave birth to our miracle baby, Katelyn Faith: 7 pounds 4ounces and 20 1/4 inches long. Why Faith for a middle name? Because it took a lot of faith to get her. Why "miracle" baby? Because all babies are miracles. You see I believe that all babies are heaven-sent, including the ones conceived using IVF. How else can you explain why I have 1 child instead of 19? Over the course of 5 IVF cycles, 19 embryos have been placed in my body. Yet only one of them became my precious child. I believe that GOD sent Katelyn to us. I believe that she is the answer to all of our prayers; and that GOD has intrusted the most precious gift he has to give with us.

Do I love my child more than you love yours because of everything I had to go through to conceive her? Of course not. Do I appreciate her conception more than someone who wasn't trying or didn't even want to be pregnant? Maybe.

From our 3rd IVF cycle, we were able to freeze 8 remaining embryos for future tries. When Katelyn was 2, we decided to try again. Unfortunately I discovered that we didn't have maternity coverage on our new insurance. That meant we'd have to add it and wait another 9 months(ins. company policy). So just after Katelyn turned 3 we decided (or shall I say I decided)it was time to try again. Even though I had one precious child, the truth is I wanted another one or two or three. I have always wanted a big family. If I could have gotten pregnant "the old-fashioned way" I don't know if I could have ever stopped having babies. I certainly never intended for Katelyn to be an only child. So we went thru the 4th IVF cycle and I didn't become pregnant. I was sad, but it was different this time. First of all, I had my daughter. Everything changed for me when Katelyn was born. She completed me, made me whole. Any more children I might be blessed with would be like sweet little bonuses; not that I would be any less grateful. Furthermore, I still had 4 remaining frozen embryos and I was sure I would get pregnant with one of them on the next try.

So another year went by, and it was time to go through our last IVF-#5. Katelyn had just turned 4. This time I felt more pressure because this was going to be it-our last attempt. My desire to have another baby had also grown. Katelyn was older and more independent and I really wanted another baby to hold and cuddle. Another sweet child to nuture and love. And more than ever, I was worried about Katelyn being an only child. I really wanted her to have a brother or sister. I even went through acupuncture because there's a lot of research suggesting it helps with IVF. The transfer took place on Halloween of '08, I was about to turn 39. One of the embryos didn't survive the thawing process, so 3 were transferred. The transfer went really well. My body felt pregnant, I was sure that I was. I decided to take a home pregnacy test the morning of my blood draw, my last chance to pee on a stick. It was negative. I thought maybe I just got a false negative so I peed on another stick(they come 2 to a box afterall). Still negative. I went into the blood draw and the nurse said, "So, what do ya think?" I just started to cry. She didn't say anything after that, just nodded with understanding. I wasn't pregnant. I was really disappointed and really sad; still not the same devastation as before I had Katelyn. I always remind myself of the miracle GOD did give me. And I remember to thank HIM EVERY day.

I've had a very hard time dealing with the fact that this journey I've been on for 10years is over. I will not have any more children. I feel like I've let Katelyn down. Truthfully it's been very hard, but I pray for peace every day. I finally made myself give all of Katelyn's baby things away. I went through all of her baby clothes that I'd been saving for the other little girl I was supposed to have. (A little boy would have been perfect too.) I have resigned myself to the fact that I won't have any more children. Have I accepted it? Any day now.