PMS SUCKS!!!

According to Mike, who helped me with the math, I have suffered through 312 weeks of PMS in the last 26 years(got my period when I was 13, late bloomer). And that's weeks mind you, it adds up to 2,184 days of PMS suffering in the past 26 years. Now, I don't know about you, but that number just doesn't seem big enough to reflect how bad PMS sucks!!! Whatever. That's 2,184 days full of unbelievable moodiness and crankiness, cramping(yeah, I get my cramps during my PMS week and my actual period week and also the week I ovulate so that's one week free of cramps a month-SUCKS!!) headaches, unparallelled bitchiness-Mike can confirm if you doubt),feeling on-edge, and the constant need to have something salty then something sweet, then something salty-then something sweet-chips-chocholate-chips-chocolate. You get the idea.

O.K., so when we're little girls and our periods finally arrive(an event we are actually anxiously awaiting-anyone else read "Are You There GOD it's Me Margaret?" a thousand times because it's about a girl like you waiting for her period and her boobies to grow?) But I digress. O.K., so when we're little girls our moms or dads tell us that getting our period is a wonderful thing because it means that eventually someday we'll be able to have babies. No one talks about PMS & it's various unpleasantries, or the actual disgusting mess which is a period. Well, I may have been deceived when I was 13, but I know better 26 years later. Let's be real, there's a reason men don't have menstrual cyles, get pregnant, & have babies. THEY COULDN'T TAKE IT!!!! But since I apparently can't have any more babies, I say ENOUGH of this madness!! Since I'm 39, I've actually been thinking there might be a light at the end of the tunnel-wait that would be Menopause. I've actually glimpsed the joy of Menopause already. Early on during our infertility treatments, the doctors had us try a Clomid protocol. Ah, Clomid, what a nightmare drug you are. On Clomid I actually had PMS symptoms x10 and hot flashes that were blinding(get it blinding, hot FLASHES? ig) SO, I already know some of what lies ahead when my periods finally do stop. More good times. So maybe when I'm 55-60, the suffering might actually cease?

Now that I've complained, justifiably, about how much PMS sucks; I feel compelled to tell you that deep down I realize what I would have given up. Because it did eventually mean that I was blessed to become pregnant and go through childbirth. Aside from 5 months of puking my guts out all day long, swollen hands & feet, hemorroids, blinding back pain, headaches, & shear exhaustion I actually loved being pregnant. I loved my big belly and wearing my maternity clothes and having perfect strangers tell me that I was glowing & expecting a girl-(how they knew that, I'm not sure, but they were right). I loved talking to Katelyn and singing to her, I even read aloud to her. Even when she would wake me up at 3am cause she had the hiccups, I loved it. No one else in the world got to know what that felt like. I'm so grateful that I was the one who got to be pregnant and feel all the little flutterings and movements. I would have been so jealous if the tables were turned and Mike actually got that privelege. In a way, it's like we as women have a universal secret because we're the only ones who really know what carrying a baby feels like. What a blessing!

All of the above led to the day Katelyn was born 4 years, 8 months, and 7 days ago. A post for another day, this one's already getting too long. I will tell you that the moment she was freed from me and placed on my belly was the most precious moment of my life. As you can imagine I was bawling. And saying to her, "Katelyn, I'm you're mommy-I've waited so long for you" and my blessed babe, coverd in goo, looked right at me and just smiled. She knew me. Believe it or not, but that's a true story.

PMS still sucks, though:)